new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize