All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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