remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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