I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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