I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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