Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize