The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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