This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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