I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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