He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize