I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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