The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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