i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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