I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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