jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize