I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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