So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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