if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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