angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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