I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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