you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize