i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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