I just threw up on my dentist
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize