I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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