The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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