...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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