You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
being pregnant is like rehab
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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