I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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