Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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