My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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