Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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