For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pray to the hookup gods
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize