I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize