Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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