We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My life is pants optional.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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