If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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