So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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