Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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