I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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