I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize