So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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