Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize