remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize