You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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