drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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