he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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