I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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