Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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