Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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