Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize